February 6, 2011
Congrats to the Green Bay Packers. I’m big game’d out but have two things you should see…
*The story of the people who bought tickets, had those tickets, went to the game with those tickets AND had no seat!
*NOT Super commercials that will NEVER be on a Super Bowl…
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February 4, 2011
SUPERBOWL “DID YOU KNOW”
> Legendary John Madden is planning on streaking during the game this Sunday
> The Packers are owned by the people of Wisconsin…but Wisconsin is owned by Bill Gates
> Jay Cutler is also sitting out this game
> Those who don’t watch the big game are most likely to go to a movie, read a good book, or take the time to delete all the texts they have gotten of Brett Favre’s junk
> Party planners agree that any Superbowl bash is enhanced by serving liqour from the cleavage of your most-milfy neighbor
> If the Steelers win Ben Roethlisberger will take his $80,000+ winner’s check entirely in co-ed blow-up dolls
> This year Budweiser will use one of it’s spots to tell the story of Ned, a Clydesdale, going to rehab
> On the post Superbowl episode of “Glee” the kids will have a vicious gang fight with The Crips…set to the music of Justin Bieber
> Look for a surprise cameo during the Black Eyes Peas halftime show from John Tesh
> The Mayors of Green Bay and Pittsburgh have bet hypothermia vs. Black Lung disease
> Clay Matthews and Troy Polamalu like to get mannies and peddies together
> AND… the new overtime rules say that in the event of a tie the game will be decided by a tweet-off at midfield
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January 29, 2011
THESE PEOPLE WILL NOT BE WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL
1
2 ************ 
3
4 ************ 
5
6 ******** 
7 ********** 
8
9 
10
_______________________________
Who are they…
1) The Unibomber’s stylist, Lester
2) Spock (more of aNascar fan)
3) winner of the MISS WTF pageant
4) The Dish Network twins (ears get 500 channels)
5) ‘before’ picture guy from Rogaine commercials
6) Clay Aiken (only likes butt-pat part of game)
7) McLovin’s cousin…McCuddlin’
Bernie Madoff (no TV because less evil inmates don’t like being around him)
9) Ralph Lauren model, Larry… in failed redneck line
10) Rod Blagojevich – only watches himself in mirror
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January 25, 2011
As a part of my pledge to do my part to run the story into the ground over the next two weeks…here is a breakdown of the little things that could decide this Super Bowl…the off-field battle if you will…
THE LEGENDARY COACH
LOMBARDI vs. COWHER
(winner: Packers)
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THE DEADLY FOOD
Pittsburgh’s Primanti Sandwich (your choice of meat plus coleslaw, tomatoes, and french fries between two slices of bread)
Yes the fries ARE ON THE SANDWICH!
vs.
Wisconsin’s State Fair food choices are endless and mostly on a stick.
<<<This is the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger. No bread- the sliced donut makes it a sandwich
(winner: The Steelers)
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TOURISM IS A HUGE PART OF EACH TEAM’S STORY
If you haven’t made your vacation plans>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Seriously, in the PA town of Intercourse there is a pretzel factory>>>>>
What’s better than Intercourse and pretzels!
(winner: duh…the Steelers)
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THE GREAT MASCOT BATTLE
Steely McBeem vs. well…the Packers technically don’t have a mascot but if they did I would vote for this girl below
(winner: are you kidding? Packers)
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THE CELEBRITY FACTOR
His outfit just screams football. That’s right Liberace is from Wisconsin
vs.
The pride of Pittsburgh…Mr. Rodgers
(winner: Fred and the Steelers)
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THE TEAM CRIMINALS
Big Ben can’t get enough drunken co-eds 
vs.
Mostly forgotten Mark Chmura who hooked up with the teenaged baby sitter that took care of his kids 
(loser: Steelers)
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THE SUPERFANS
another 50 terrible towels and he could cover that up!
winter cold kills your pride… (winner: Packers)
Final score: when you subtract for Roethlisberger the Packers win the off-field smackdown 3-2
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January 24, 2011
Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers.
For Bears fans…here is what Sunday felt like…
…know what I mean?
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January 22, 2011
BEFORE THE BIG GAME…
…GET TO KNOW THE PACKERS FANS
from the fashion runways of Fond du Lac comes Wisconsin’s #1 supermodel…say hello to Chuck
It’s very cold in Green Bay…so cold that the season ticket waiting list gets a little shorter each year…created in part by this guy who froze to death in mid-cheer
Susie and Marge had to do a whole lot of flashing to get those beads (ok…balls) at Green Bay Mardi Gras
This little fella isn’t upset about the Bears beating the Packers. He just can’t understand why his parents keep putting cheese on his head
One of the tragic accidents of this season. This fan accidentally got one of Brett Favre’s “special” texts and immediately went blind
There are some celebrity fans of the Green Bay Packers…like Sasquatch (a.k.a. Bigfoot)
And former Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Raphael
Gang crime is rampant in Green Bay. Not from the Crips or the Bloods but Green Bay’s own gang…THE CURDS! Here they try to steal a wallet but are unaware players rarely carry valuables in their football pants
Two of the Packers’ brightest fans pause to discuss who is smarter, Snooki or The Situation?
And finally…the winner of the annual “Miss Green Bay” pageant, a guy named Bob. In case you were wondering, yes they’re real and they’re spectacular!
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January 21, 2011
I’ll be OUTSIDE in the -15 wind chill Friday morning just after 9 as GOOD DAY CHICAGO on Fox32 holds a Bears rally on the plaza.
Don’t worry…Anna will wear a hat.
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January 20, 2011
(I’m giddy about the Bears…inspired to write poetry)
AN ODE TO THE COACH
Lovie…oh Lovie…I had you so wrong
Thought you had stayed just a little too long
__________
And after pre-season I knew I was right
The team just stunk and they had no fight
__________
But Lovie…oh Lovie…you turned it around
Showed me a winner, now you’re Super Bowl bound
__________
Sure I wish you were different in certain sideline things
But I’d rather have you fighting for championship rings
__________
O.K., I admit I’d love it if you lost your s*&! a time or two
Flipped out like Coach Ditka…went nuts like Coach Q
__________
Not you Lovie…oh Lovie…you stay calm and stay cool
I take back the things I said – I’m no longer a fool
__________
So stare at the scoreboard and speak in monotone
Act like you have Al Gore’s personality on loan
__________
Just remember that now there is only one goal
To send the Pack back – just south of the north pole
__________
(hey I didn’t say it was good poetry…)
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MIKE DITKA (first half of Bears season)
Coach is sad and angry
MIKE DITKA (second half of Bears season)
Coach is very happy!
Bears get big win over the Jets and no matter how bad your last week may have been it was probably better than Rex Ryan…unless you had a foot fetish exposed with an embarrassing online video and then lost and had to back into the playoffs…I’m just sayin’ 
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12/21/10 P O V by Steve Cochran
I know they won. We should be happy right? The Chicago Bears version 2010.0 have a very similar feel to The Bears of yore…or yesterday…or the past 20 years or so. It goes way beyond the usual explanation. Great defense…when they’re healthy. Good to great special teams. An offense that is consistently inconsistent.
That’s why despite how confusing the Bears may be, I am excited to announce that I have discovered the perfect analogy for your NFL franchise. The Chicago Bears are the crazy hot girlfriend who will push your buttons, thrill you, disappointment you, hurt you, and ultimately break your heart and leave you damaged and disillusioned. See what I mean. Same thing.
To further illustrate my argument I will provide visual evidence in reviewing the season so far. THE PRESEASON: Four losses. None of them close. All of them ugly. Things got so dangerous that Jay Cutler briefly entered the Witness Protection Program because he couldn’t be sacked there. The entire team looked clueless, dazed and confused. The Bears preseason gave you that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach like you had when she left, told you it was over and you knew she was going out, you knew she didn’t care.
Who knew what she was doing?
Then our boys nipped the Lions in a game they should have lost. A stupid rule killed a game ending, game winning touchdown for Detroit. By the way completing a football move should only refer to hitting on a hot girl in a bar after the game who thinks it’s cool that you play but really doesn’t know who you are…so she won’t know that you don’t start and barely made special teams…but I digress. The point is they won…and there was hope that maybe things were changing. The problem is you didn’t feel like it was a win and you couldn’t trust it. Like when you get that totally unexpected call from her late one night and she tells you that she misses you. Then you do what millions of men have done before…you take her back. Because we are all idiots.
Weeks two and three were wins over the Cowboys and Green Bay and life was good. Sure you still couldn’t trust it but it felt better…more mature…maybe this time she-I mean the Bears- were really different. But then came the Giants game. A Sunday night nationally televised accident that was so bad…so odd…so disturbing…Cris Collinsworth said on NBC, “…somebody needs to put a tent over this circus”. Have you had enough counseling to block it from your memory? The Chicago Bears professional football team gave up nine first half sacks and picked up all of six first downs for the entire game. What happened? Where did they go?
She was here…things were great. We were undefeated. She seemed like she loved me. It’s like I never knew her at all.
This time I was done. Why should I care more than the team did? They didn’t care about my feelings. She was just using me. The win over Carolina was hard to stay away from but I drew the line. Sure I checked the ‘net a few times. Sure I hoped she would call but I had to put up a wall to protect myself. Then they lost to Seattle and the Redskins and barely beat the winless Bills. They were a mess. I was right to be strong. She wasn’t thinking about me. Friends wanted to talk about it but I told them I didn’t want to know. The Bears didn’t deserve me and I moved on. I had been stepped on enough…but I kept picturing her in that jerseyI bought her and picturing her in other things too.
Then they beat the Vikings, Miami, and even dominated the Eagles and Michael Vick. Who are these guys? It was exciting and unexpected…kind of like when she called and said those things that I wanted to hear. She said this time it will be different. I didn’t want to believe but they did beat Vick and nobody thought the Eagles would lose. Maybe this time it really was different. Maybe the team did care. Maybe she really did care about me. 
Then the weather changed and so did she. I pretended not to notice. Sure the Patriots would be tough but this was Bear weather right? We could handle it as long as we stuck together. But it was like they didn’t even know I was there. It was cold. She was distant. Brady hit for a long TD just before the first half ended and nobody on the Bears looked like they were even paying attention. That was a big problem with her. She always wanted attention. She wanted it when she wanted it. My needs didn’t matter. This team was embarrassing. I was embarrassed because I thought she would see how upset she made me and try to make me feel better.
Maybe we just needed some space.
Then it was Monday night. Even as uneven as Bears 2010 had been they were supposed to beat these Vikings. Brett Favre was a surprise starter but that spark was brief. And Devin Hester almost brought a kickoff back for 6, then followed with an all-time record setting punt return for that touchdown he just missed. Bears win big and clinch the division. That was beautiful. She is beautiful. I think we are going to be o.k.
The Jets are coming in next week. They’re really good. Her best friend from college is in for New Year’s Eve. She’s hot and she was the “slutty” roommate who always wanted to meet new guys.
Its o.k. We’re in the playoffs. Its o.k. See I know she won’t leave until she finds out what I got her for Christmas.
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